Whoever said motherhood is a rewarding experience oversold the concept to wide-eyed and infatuated women. Of course, it has its perks and some coveted significance hidden in its many facets, but it’s never a linear path. If there are times when you find yourself smiling at the silly antics of your child, then there are times when you are so exhausted that you can go a whole day without a meal.
For full-time mothers, their whole day revolves around a tiny human and the household chores, making them wonder if losing themselves is worth it?
Struggling With Motherhood
I was never a good mother in the conventional sense; I loved my daughters and worked hard to provide for them as a single mother, but my journey hasn’t been easy. For one, I didn’t plan to be a mother; motherhood happened to me when I was still a child myself. My body hadn’t fully grown, and my mind had yet to develop fully, yet I was tasked to take care of another fragile life.
The transition hadn’t been easy. In fact, I struggled a lot and made decisions that now, years later, I am not proud of. However, when the initial shock of the responsibility wore off, I knew I had to put myself back together for my daughter. My second unplanned pregnancy was easier than the first because this time around, I wanted to do things the right way, or so I thought.
Unfortunately, my circumstances were out of my hands, and the men in my life continued to disappoint me. Despite the bad luck with love and mental health, I wanted a different life for my daughter, just like every loving mother. I did everything I thought could help them become their own person but failed to save them from my mistakes.
The Good Mother Conundrum
Motherhood is not easy, especially for women who stumbled upon it because of an immature mistake. For women, who plan to bring life into the world, the decision is rooted in security, stability, and love. The teenage and the accidental mothers are physically and mentally unprepared for the job and sometimes reject the role in the most vicious way possible.
Despite feeling wholly unprepared, I rose to the challenge of motherhood with an evolving determination, but my youngest daughter couldn’t. I then realized that she was a shadow of my past selfishness.; she reminded me of the time when I turned to drugs and temporary affection to cope with the burden of motherhood. With the help of my mother and some odd luck, I had managed to pull myself away from a life of endless pain and loneliness, but my daughter didn’t have the same resilience. She turned away from her children, and now our family struggles to make sense of a new reality.
Motherhood is not one solid color but a myriad of colors, each more complex than the other. It grows heavy on your shoulder when you think you have it figured out. You can learn more about my story and how it shaped my daughters in my new book, “Chasing the Dark.” The book is available on Amazon in physical and digital formats for all who want to see the truth of unplanned motherhood and the growing pains of single mothers.
Bottom Line:
Not everything you know about life and motherhood is true. Motherhood is a tricky role—something that cannot be wholly pleasant if you are not ready for it. I think it’s high time to present the bittersweet journey of motherhood for what it is instead of leading women to a life of unforeseen challenges.
